- Chicken Soup
BITS and SCRAPS gathered over time – reprint by request:
Madison 5-1190: Perry Mason’s phone number.
“Warsaw can no more be Tartar than Venice can be Teutonic. The kings lose their labor at this, and their honour. Sooner or later, the submerged country floats to the surface and reappears. Greece again becomes Greece, Italy again becomes Italy. The protest of the right against the fact, persists forever. The robbery of a people never becomes prescriptive. These lofty swindles have no future. You cannot pick the mark out of a nation as you can out of a handkerchief.” – Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.
Q: Reporter: Is Bin Laden alive or dead? A: Donald Rumsfeld: The answer to that is yes. – NPR, 1-03.
“It was a time like ours of large impersonal states and individuals who felt lost in them. A time of consumption, brutality, sophistication and trying to find justification and consolation in religious cults.” – Eugen Weber, “The Hellenistic Age,” The Western Tradition.
“Given a choice between gods or magic, I will take magic and be grateful.” –Doogana the medicine man, Moses, Howard Fast.
“Every tribal god proclaims at every opportunity the glorious future in store for his worshippers.” – G. Bibby, Four thousand Years Ago.
When asked by the reporter what it was like to live in the disputed west bank, a resident replied, “You can feel it and see it in the eyes of the people, in the eyes of the children. Oh, do you really want to know how it is to live in? It’s shit.” PBS, 1-03.
“The appearance of the law must be upheld at all times, especially when it’s being broken.” — Boss Tweed.
“I hate it when a promising rookie turns out to be a terrorist.” — Buzz Lightyear.
“Do you think getting married will make you decent? Until I got married I was decent.” – one prostitute to another, Docks of New York.
Edward Gibbon relates that the ancient philosophers thought that Christians seeking martyrdom did so because they were obstinately despairing, of stupid sensibility, or victims of superstitious frenzy. Dismayed that they tried to coerce the state into creating their martyrship, the proconsul Antoninus Pius (later emperor) said to the Christians of Asia: “Unhappy men! Unhappy men! If you are thus weary of your lives, is it so difficult for you to find ropes and precipices?” 8/03.
Reverend: “You would replace god with man.” Anthropologist: “And you would replace man with twaddle.” – Peter Falk to Edward Fox, Lost World.
“You’re getting into the heart of another person’s innermost being, which is something most other websites don’t offer.” – Customer, Loveline.Com, 4/04 – Must be the Ted Bundy special.
“What good fortune for governments that the people do not think.” – Adolph Hitler.
Hands are the most sensitive sensors of the brain; they transmit more information than any other organ. Maybe that’s why we have to hold something when we say we want to “look” at it?
“When Quanah Parker passed, it was said that his passing was not just his passing, but the passing of the past – as well.” – historian, Real West, History Channel. – Pass the chips?
New evidence has revealed that there might be an element of truth in what I have to say.
Let’s hear it for self-righteous superstitious indignation!
“If you are dizzy and sick, reach out. I am your railing by the torrent. Your crutch, I am not.” – Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, book one.
“That which is now called natural philosophy, embracing the whole circle of science, of which astronomy occupies the chief place, is the study of the works of God, and of the power and wisdom of God in his works, and is the true theology. As to the theology that is now studied in its place, it is the study of human opinions and of human fancies concerning God. It is not the study of God himself in the works that he has made, but in the writings that man has made; and it is not among the least of the mischiefs that man has made; and it is not among the least of mischiefs that the Christian system has done to the world, that it has abandoned the original and beautiful system of theology, like a beautiful innocent, to distress and reproach, to make room for the hag of superstition.” Thomas Paine, Age of Reason, p. 37
“According to Livy, the Romans conquered the world in their own defense.” – Edward Gibbon, Decline and Fall, Book 1, p. 839, n77.
“Then as now the most effective labor-saving device was stealing.” – Eugen Weber, Western Tradition.
Young Martin Chuzzlewitt: “I’m going to America.” Mr. Pinch: “Not America! Your situation isn’t that desperate!” – Chas. Dickens.
“The contemporary world of learning is made up almost altogether of mean, starved, envious, strident, stingless fools and fops, ignorant and arrogant, who swarm about their betters with a fly’s equal inclination to dung or honey.” – Carl Van Doren on Swift, 1948.
“Glen Manning is not a well man, mentally or physically.” – movie scientist’s assessment of the mutated, insane, irradiated The Amazing Colossal Man.
“Oh, problems in moral philosophy always provide a few chuckles!” – little green robot, Sonic the Hedgehog.
“Oh, the places we will go!” – Doctor Seuss.
548 Primrose Lane – Robocop’s home address before all the bad stuff went down.
More HUMOR at: www.zazzle.com/FatLemon
- FatLemon Productions