OCCASIONAL INSTALLMENTS of THISSES and THATS collected over the years: HUMOR, bits of philosophy, short-short rants, CURIOSITIES.
ODD SHOTS and IDLE PENSEES Master Link Index:
#1 – Odd Shots and Idle Pensees Nr. 1
#2 – This Man Needs a Chicken Suit!
#3 – Mother’s Advice
#4 – Say What?
#5 – Old Black Magic
#6 – The Lesser Known Earl Poppins
#7 – Tell the Truth and Run
#8 – Notorious Sex Scandal
#9 – Basic Human Behavior
#10 – Hacking Jack’s
ODD SHOTS and IDLE PENSEES Sampler:
Ancient Greeks: To sin = “to miss the mark” – can be high or low. Sin is not living up to, or being who you are.
Dead, uncorrupted saints make good listeners.
548 Primrose Lane – Robocop’s home address before all the bad stuff went down.
“The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.” – Mechanic, Repo Man.
Note: Feeling loss of identity? Eager to believe in something, anything? You’re prime fodder for cults!
Madison 5-1190: Perry Mason’s phone number.
“Warsaw can no more be Tartar than Venice can be Teutonic. The kings lose their labor at this, and their honour. Sooner or later, the submerged country floats to the surface and reappears. Greece again becomes Greece, Italy again becomes Italy. The protest of the right against the fact, persists forever. The robbery of a people never becomes prescriptive. These lofty swindles have no future. You cannot pick the mark out of a nation as you can out of a handkerchief.” – Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.
Mom’s Advice: “Use Clorox to get rid of the DNA evidence. Burn the barn.” – Some CSI-type crime show.
G.W. Bush’s recent efforts to rewrite his history remind me of Ramses the Great (pharaoh of the biblical exodus, if you believe). He is called “great” because he managed to live longer than any other pharaoh and used the time to build more monuments to himself than all his predecessors and successors combined. He had a factory that just turned out busts of his head so that he could knock the heads off other pharaohs’ statues and put his in their place. He advertised himself shamelessly: painting and carving the story of the Battle of Kadesh on every wall and pillar in sight. Kadesh was not even a draw and Rameses quickly signed a peace treaty with the victorious Hittite King, and went back to Egypt. He nearly got himself killed and almost lost his army due to his egotistical rash actions as an inexperienced military leader, but he declared victory from near defeat, and covered up the fact that he came precious close to losing the farm – not just for himself, but for the whole kingdom of Egypt. And that’s why G.W. Bush’s recent rewrite of his history reminds me of Ramses the Great, pharaoh of the biblical exodus, if you believe. G.W. became president of the United States by the skin of his teeth and the lies on his lips: the same way Ramses II became “Great.” – 11/04.
“On a farm with no watch dog, the fox rules the roost.” – Ancient Sumerian proverb.
First rule about dealing with the Devil: Don’t.
Law of Probable Dispersal: “Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.”
“Separateness is a useful illusion.” – The Big Kahuna.
Separateness is a youthful illusion. Jl.
“God, the original Tony Soprano.” – church sign, Simpsons.
So, kick back, here are MORE ACTUAL Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:
- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
“Even if you’re a born loser, you can and should be holy.”– Mother Angelica, cable TV nun
“Only fools and priests do squander life with thoughts of death.” — The Green Knight (Sean Connery), Sword of the Valiant.
Jimmy Neutron: “I didn’t know my candy would be that popular.” Candy Store Guy: “That’s what the man said who invented underwear.”
“I don’t want to go to prison; orange makes me look hippy!” Carl Wheezer, Jimmy Neutron.
“You are a smudge on history’s ledger, but you are my brother.” Agamemnon (Rufus Sewell) to Menelaus, Helen of Troy.
“The problem with the world is there’s too many stupid people, and nobody to eat them!” Carlos Mencia.
“I’ve heard it said that out of men, bishops are made!” – Cervantes, Man of Glass.
“This just isn’t the same cold, oppressive place I built with the sweat and toil of others.” Evil Emperor Zurg, Buzz Lightyear.
“I’m always up for a bit of adventure, Valerie, but you’re getting rather slapdash, aren’t you?” Art instructor to student, Midsommer Murders.
“Self-improvement is best handled by people who live in big cities.” Marge Simpson, Simpsons.
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Fine Art: JLegry Gallery http://www.zazzle.com/jlegry
Humor, Sci-Fi, Fantasy: FatLemon Gallery http://www.zazzle.com/FatLemon
VINTAGE and COLLECTIBLES, including POLITICAL MEMORABILIA: TheAttic Gallery http://www.zazzle.com/TheAttic