AND GOD CREATED THE UNIVERSE (Humor):
And God created the universe in the wink of an eye. And the wink was a billion billion years long, and a trillion, trillion years wide. When it was done, everybody wondered what He had done, for it was all new and different, and nobody knew where anything was, and nobody knew what to make of it.
Everybody in those days was the angels, archangels, seraphim and cherubim, and they only knew what they knew, which wasn’t much, but mostly concerned with telling God how great He was, and God was getting to the point where He didn’t know if what they said counted for very much. He knew what it would be before they said it, because that’s just the way they were, and He should know because He made them that way. Which was “Catch 22” because how do you get an unbiased review from palace courtiers and the pep squad?
No brainer, god had to create somebody absolutely ignorant about how he or she got here. It would behoove everybody already present to become invisible to maintain the mystery. This new somebody would receive skills and abilities sufficient to pose ultimate questions, and to invent answers to them. They were to be guided by various natural clues and signposts, wandering know-it-alls, and ambiguous events anonymously reported. The new somebodies would arrive naked in the world, and cobble together reasons and whys from the smorgasbord laid before them, with an occasional stick up the ass to keep them moving.
The newcomers came awake, stumbling into life like children on tour arriving at a great museum: peeking into rooms, exploring byways, skinning down banisters, pushing, running in the halls, carrying on behind statues, and smoking in the rest rooms. The children were soon riding down the marble staircases in pharaoh’s open sarcophagus; pharaoh himself was processed into dust as an additive to beauty cream; the tyrannosaurus rex was a waterslide; the purple murex was a night-light; there was a big hole in the side of the taxidermy moose; and the beautiful red and black lacquer Ming dynasty chest made a neat stash box. Not only was god’s work desecrated and abused, the new somebodies routinely desecrated and abused their own work as well. What a mess.
A very small, very mean-spirited cherub asked the unpleasant question, “Why does God care about these things, or their opinion? Their taste is in their mouths; their heads are stuck in their pants; and, they’re wrecking everything.”
God was pissed at the cherub, but had to admit – being fair, just, merciful, kind and loving, and sick of always having to be the good guy – that the cherub had a point. The new somebodies were a pain in the whatzis, and what they were supposed to appreciate was falling apart because of them. God watched as they systematically destroyed each of their discoveries of His creation, exchanging bits of paper to which they gave all power, respect, and obedience in direct proportion to their rate of destruction and exploitation of everything else.
The first semi-thoughtful new somebodies who called themselves the People of the Two Lands had been a whole lot better grounded and appreciative of the Great Cosmic Mystery than their progeny living in the out-sized glass replica pyramid in Las Vegas, Nevada six millennia later. The longer the new somebodies existed, the less they knew. What was the use? The new somebodies were altogether pathetic creatures, and God was sorely embarrassed, and thought long and hard about wiping everything out and starting over again.
The same cherub helpfully suggested that God allow the new somebodies to extinguish themselves without ever informing their ignorance, dispelling their superstition, or hinting at the truth. God agreed without reluctance. A bad thing was a bad thing. However – while it might not get one – even an ugly dog deserved a natural death. In any event, God didn’t have to kill something that was already killing itself.
And, so, God rested.