HER VOCABULARY WAS AS BAD AS, LIKE, WHATEVER

ON A “HAPPIER” NOTE (If one ignores the apparent deterioration of human intelligence in general):

Who says our teenagers aren’t creative?

Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays

· Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

· His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

· He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the danger of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

· She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

· She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

· Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

· He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

· The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

· The little boat drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

· McBride fell twelve stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

· From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

· Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

· Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m., traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

· They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

· John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

· The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

· He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

We must do something about education. Catch ya later, j

http://www.redbubble.com/people/johnlegry/works/10584411-good-luck-graduates

“For Pete’s sake, just say, NO! NO! NO!”