ODD SHOTS and IDLE PENSEES Nr. 8
[More thisses and thats picked up over the years and now shared with YOU!]
In 1991, Ft. Lauderdale’s Vice-mayor was involved in a notorious sex scandal. It caused Ft. Lauderdaleans “to prick up their already stiffened ears.” Billy Dee Williams, “Ft. Lauderdale: Sin in the Sun,” City Confidential.
She forced me to lead her astray. A seldom-used excuse.
Constantine, the first “Christian” emperor was Serbian! The buggers have been screwing the world over “forever!” First Christianity, then World War I, then Milosovik the Ethnic Cleanser. What a brave, noble people. Shudder.
“Who was it said, ‘The ship of state is the only ship that leaks mainly from the top?’” Daniel Schorr.
Ancient Egyptian proverb: “A trifle, a little, the likeness of a dream, and death comes as the end.
Functionaries of the First Church of the Foursquare Paradox and the Revealed Uncertainty United: Keeper of the Holy Nonsense; Radical Truth Teller.
Ancient Greeks: To sin = “to miss the mark”. Can be high or low. Sin is not living up to, or being who you are.
Dead, uncorrupted saints make good listeners.
Maybe human civilization has progressed; it depends on what you’re measuring.
And the drum beats, “How-ward Thomp-son, How-ward Thomp-son…”
Note: Feel any loss of identity? Eager to believe in something? You’re prime fodder for cults!
Edward Gibbon writes that it’s less difficult to invent a fictitious story than to support a practical fraud. It is the character of falsehood to be loose and inconsistent. The most incredible parts of the legend are smoothed and softened by [minions or apologists]. Religion depends upon credulity and craftiness, which insensibly corrode the vital principles of virtue and veracity. The useful prejudice, which has obtained the sanction of time and opinion produces the effect of truth. People in the heat of religious faction are apt to despise the profane virtues of sincerity and moderation.
Human progress and perfectibility are two man-made ideals without much moral evidence to support them.
Jimmy Neutron: “I didn’t know my candy would be that popular.” Candy Store Guy: “That’s what the man said who invented underwear.”
“I don’t want to go to prison; orange makes me look hippy!” Carl Wheezer, Jimmy Neutron.
I oppose all –isms. Isms polarize people and imperil the world. I prefer democracy, which cannot be made an –ism. How could it be when one universal idea admits all ideas? I realize that that makes democracy inherently messy, but I prefer its disorder to the violence, persecution, and oppression of any of its alternatives – all of which, are –isms.
“It’s hotter than a Fox News weather skank.” – Ned Flanders (!), Simpsons.
“People who claim Judge Alito is a moderate conservative are being successfully disingenuous.” Political analyst, re: Supreme Court Corporate-Hugger.
“The best detective in the world may be a rude tribesman with a limited vocabulary.” Nero Wolfe.
“Nothing corrupts a man so much as writing a book.” Nero Wolfe.
“What cosmic absurdity am I to derive from this curious constellation of shit?” Question upon noting long s-shaped turd in bowl, with “period” dot beneath, forming a “perfect” question mark. Envision a “Jesus Christ” scorch mark on a taco, the “virgin” in a water weep on an anodized aluminum wall, and so forth. Messages everywhere.
God usually works “miracles” the old-fashioned way with manual labor.
“God made sin and the devil. Sin so we could exercise free will by choosing between good and evil, and the devil to tempt us to sin. Why then does god get mad when we choose sin?” Friday’s question to Robinson Crusoe.
“Hobbit” coined by Tolkein in 1938 used by modern anthropologists as term for 3’ tall human ancestor found on Asian island (Flores), Indonesia. Co-existed with modern humans for 40,000 years.
Tierra Preta (“pray-ta), dark soil, sign of prehistoric civilized Amazon habitation.
THINGS TO ASK HOLLYWOOD: Don’t make any more movies in which computers or robots become insane and develop an antipathy for the human race, or become incredibly hot for us. C’mon, if we can’t be reasonable, let’s get creative.
Darwin’s Nightmare: fish in Tanzania. Google it.
Food for thought: Meditation on God contemplating the Jerry Springer Show.
Title: Harry Payson and the Case of the Big Fat Lawyer.
Man 1: “Why do politicians treat everyone else like idiots?” Man 2: “Probably, because they voted for us in the first place.” Poirot, “The Incredible Theft,” BBC.
“God, the original Tony Soprano.” Church sign, Simpsons.
“I didn’t know they still made TV dinners this bad.” Homer, Simpsons.
“Bishop, your opinion was not asked for, nor for that matter, was your opinion of god’s opinion!” Jurgen Prochnow, Robin Hood.
“Oh, my god, I can’t stop! It’s like potato chips and masturbation!” Mike McDonald, MAD TV.
See: new improved mostly gay and lesbian channel with lots more tears and unalloyed grief.
Und Yahvey said, “Ged da fugg ouad mine garden!” Und, dat vas just da vay it vas.
“I am a coprologist. I am paid to look at shit all day.” Medical coprologist.
People, books and things come into our lives for a reason. It’s up to us to figure out why.
And it came to pass that someone passed gas, and all were offended.
“I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.” – Capt. Algren, Last Samurai.
“A Bible black tyrant, hiding behind the mask of righteousness.” Ichabod Crane, Sleepy Hollow.
“First, I can calculate how long it will take to get an elephant to France from Egypt. Second, I can get people to die for me who don’t even know what they’re dying for.” Napoleon, explaining his military success.
“I see our neighbors scattering like spiders.” Ugetsu, on approach of Shibata army.
“After victory, tighten your helmet cords.” Japanese proverb.
“The first words ever spoken were, ‘Shut up!’ by an exasperated mother to her crying baby.” Tana Legry.
“I like your plan. It’s reckless, but also insane.” Drix, Ozzy and Drix.
“An enemy is just a friend who’s trying to kill me.” Geeker (short-lived cartoon show).
Tags: a friend who is trying to kill me, coprologists look at crap all day, Ft. Lauderdale sex scandal, God made sin and the devil, God the original Tony Soprano, hotter than a Fox News skanak, Jesus christ on a taco, Napoleon's advice, neighbors scattering like spiders, orange makes me look hippy, to sin is to miss the mark, Yak Is a Yak